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Dealing with an Abusive Wife
Behaviours of an abused husband
- You don’t feel you can freely express yourself with your partner.
- Your partner insinuated self harm if you end the relationship.
- Your partner monitors your communication activities for example your emails and text messages
- Your partner prevents you from going out on your own and might claim that this is for your own safety and security.
- Your partner is overly and negatively criticizing and it he/she doesn’t seem to care if there are others around.
- It’s common that you start losing your self esteem and self confidence.
Tolerating an abusive relationship should not be an option in any relationship. Seeking help through counselling may be a big step in taking back the dignity you deserve. Getting help in an abusive relationship
• A man should seek counselling for himself and his wife. If the wife is unwilling to participate, a man should seek help for himself.
• To avoid depression in an abusive relationship, start a network of other abusive husbands for support.
• Setting boundaries with your wife can eliminate the need for her to be abusive.
• Telling your wife that you are concerned about the abusiveness may deter her from treating you in this manner.
• Creating an atmosphere of hope and trust may be another way to eliminate the need for abuse.
• Prioritize your needs. It is not healthy to be continually abused.
Why husband abuse is not regularly known
Most men will either ignore, or tolerate, this behaviour for some of the same reasons an abused woman will. There may be children involved. The man may feel as though he loves his wife, or he can't leave her for a number of reasons. There are women that had used some form of physical aggression against their male partners. Some of the reasons why men do not report this abusive behaviour are:
• Many abused men hold out faint hope that their situation will eventually change for the better without involving outside help for their partner or themselves.
• Less men report abuse. They are ashamed to report being abused by women
• Health care and law enforcement professionals are more likely to accept alternative explanations of abuse from a man. They will believe other reasons for the presence of bruises and other signs of injury
• Our justice system sometimes takes the word of the woman above the word of the man in abuse cases. It is just more believable that the aggressor was the man, not the woman
• Men will tolerate more pain than women. They are more likely to "grin and bear it." And again, many are ashamed to seek medical help for abuse
• Unless a woman uses a weapon (and many do), a woman usually does not have the strength of a man to inflict serious injury by abuse
• Shamed by the assaults of his wife
• Shamed by society for not ‘controlling’ her better
Why men stay in abusive and violent relationships
The shame of owning up to a spouse's abusive behaviour could cause a battered husband to defend her around others. Some excuses may be that his actions triggered her violent response, or she's only reacting to post-natal stress.
- A battered husband will often spend more and more time at work, or take up a hobby outside of the home.
- A combination of fear and shame of the perpetrating spouse
- A tendency to disconnect from his own domestic problems.
- Low self esteem
- Denial can be a powerful coping mechanism
- Dependency
- The abused man is mentally, emotionally or financially dependent on the abusive woman
- Some husbands still loved their wives, but just wanted the abuse to stop.
- In order to avoid potential conflicts, a battered husband may decide to sleep in the family car or spend his waking hours in a private den or office.
- Some husbands did not want to leave the marriage fearing for their children
- A violent spouse may also be abusive towards children, either in the form of physical attacks or excessive punishments for minor infractions
- A battered husband could remain in the abusive home strictly to protect his children from further abuse.
- They are afraid that if they leave they will never be allowed to see their children again
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